KoJu how it ends
by crazyandconfusedone
Summary: It was a tragedy really, Kowalski was unable to do anything to save the one he loved and after all... it was his fault.


If you're looking for a happy story you should just leave right now, don't even look at this if you don't want to cry or have strong emotional feelings. This is a love tragedy, there is no happy ending, there will not be a hero, and someone will die. You've been warned so read at your own risk. This was inspired by the song "How it Ends" by DeVotchka. This is not the end story to the series I'm working on; this is just a side story thing that I felt I had to write.

I don't own these characters, Dreamworks or whoever else does.

KoJu- How it Ends

By: crazyandconfusedone / rbishop3886isme

Julien had been ill for several days, Kowalski had been running all kinds of tests but he couldn't figure out what was wrong. He had tested for infection, parasites, and many other diseases but nothing seemed to fit. He had taken a blood sample the day before to run one final test and Julien was awaiting the results.

Julien walked into Kowalski's lab to find the penguin crying at his work station. "Is someting' wrong?" "N-no, I'm just worried about you, I can't figure out what's wrong and that really bothers me. I love you Julien and it tears me up inside to see you ill like this." "I love you too Kowalski, do not be of da' worrying, I will be getting da' betta'ness soon, I'm sure my smart-y penguin can be figuring it out." Kowalski felt like telling him right then and there. He felt horrible for what he was going to do. "I'm sure you'll be better soon as well." He lied. "Well now dat' you are not of working, can we be spending some of da' day togeder'?" "Sure" Kowalski said "Just give me a minute to clean up here" "Okay my smart-y penguin, I will be of waiting outside in da' sun, it is feeling so good to da' royal body today." Julien turned around and left, Kowalski waited to hear the hatch close before turning back to his computer. He gave the medical results one last inspection before leaving.

The results read as follows:

Subject #: 16

Subject name: Julien

Subject species: Lemur Catta

Age: unknown

Weight: 2.2 kilograms

Diagnosis: High level of unidentifiable toxin, most closely resembles a complex phenolic resin with urushiol like qualities, this unit lacks the correct sensors to do a more thorough scan. The high levels of the toxin will have a paralyzing effect before causing complete system shutdown and death of the subject. The liver and kidneys will be compromised first, then the circulatory and respiratory system will begin to falter shortly followed by complete loss of motor functions and paralysis, death will shortly follow as the heart and lungs will become compromised and cease functioning. This subject's case is rare and an accurate survival rate can only be calculated to 85% accuracy.

Estimated survival probability: 0%

Overall effects: Fatal within the next 24 hours

… to see a more extended list of results press enter…

That was all Kowalski could bear to read, it went on to list other possible outcomes, each much worse than the one before it. He had a plan but he was going to hate himself for it later…

Kowalski climbed up the ladder of the HQ to find Julien sunning himself on the observation deck. "So what is it dat' you are wanting to do?" "I just want to spend the day with you having as much fun as possible" Kowalski almost began to cry right then. "Oooh, dat' is sounding of da' wonda'fulness, can we be getting da' snowy cones?" "Yes my love, anything you want." He felt as though he was going to vomit, he didn't want to eat or do anything but cry until the end of the world. "Good because I am wanting to be doing many of da' fantastical ting's wit' you Kowalski, but first I am wanting dos' snowy cones, dey' are just so flavorful and color-y!"

They walked through the park holding hands; Julien had a smile on his face and was happy to be with the one he loved. Kowalski had a smile on too, but he was really feeling an immense sadness, Julien's paw felt warm and comforting in his flipper but he knew that soon he would no longer have that comfort. They had stolen two snow cones from the vendor and were making their way to the lake when Kowalski dropped his icy treat. "It is not being da' end of da' world. Don't be worrying, I'll be sharing mine wit' you my love. We should be doing dis' mo' often, maybe three times in da' week, yes?" Kowalski nodded but he felt like dying.

They sat on a bench by the lake and began to share their snow cone, each taking a lick so that it would be shared evenly. "Hehe" Julien giggled "It is making my tongue be of da' strangiest of da' colors, see!" He stuck out his now blue tongue and looked rather ridiculous the way he was nodding at the same time. Kowalski only managed a small chuckle "That color looks good on you." "Tank' you Kowalski, you are always being so kind to me. You are also da' one to be making me of da' betta'ness too! I tank' you fo' dat' as well." "You're welcome." Kowalski felt sick, he knew he was lying to Julien but he couldn't stand to see how the lemur might react if he told him the truth about his condition. As they finished their snow cone it had begun to melt from the sun and both their faces were sticky from it. "Let me be of da' helping wit' dat' " Julien said with a sly grin before giving Kowalski a kiss. That kiss sent shivers up his spine but they were quickly replaced by his fear of losing the one he loved. "Thank you Julien, I'll return the favor" he leaned in and kissed Julien and also licked the syrup from the sides of his muzzle. "Stop dat'" Julien giggled "It is being too tickle-y!"

After they had finished cleaning the sticky syrup off of each other, Kowalski and Julien went to the nearby game fields to watch a game the humans called Soccer or Fútbol as Julien knew it. "So what is the point of this game again?" Kowalski asked as they watched from the safety of the tree branches. "Silly penguin, da' game is won by da' team dat' makes da' most goals by kicking dat' ball ting' into dos' nets on da' frames. Dey' do dis' fo' da' fun of it, dere' are two teams, each wit' its own goal ting' and players. Da' rules say dat' you cannot be touching da' ball wit' yo' hands or it will den' be given to da' oder' team. I tought' dat' you would have been figuring dis out on yo' own my smart-y penguin." Julien gave him a gentle tap on the beak to which Kowalski blushed. "I-I'm really not into sports." Kowalski stuttered "I'm not exactly the most athletic penguin in the world." "Oh hush!" Julien scolded "You are being very strong and brave, I am being yo' number one fan anyway." He kissed Kowalski to send the message. Kowalski almost began to cry again.

"Is something' da' matter?" Julien had noticed the slight change in Kowalski's eyes. "No, nothing is wrong, I'm just thinking about what we should do next…" then to distract Julien further Kowalski added "I'm not getting anything but I'm sure you can think of another activity, after all you are the king of fun!" "And da' lemurs too!" Julien added. "King of the lemurs, the zoo , and my heart." Kowalski added, he really meant it, his heart belonged to Julien and he would have gladly switched places with him for what was to come. "Well…" Julien blushed "In dat' case, how about we go to da' museum?" Julien had taken quite a liking to the museum after Kowalski had taken him on a date there once, he loved to see all the wonderful things from around the world. They even had a Madagascar exhibit where Julien pointed out many things that Kowalski never knew about, they were both happy there, but that was so long ago.

After several hours of examining the exhibits and hiding from the other museum patrons, Kowalski and Julien were headed back towards the zoo as it was almost closing time, Julien was excited and was planning what he and Kowalski could do later in the week. "Tomorrow we can be of going to da' theatre and watching dos' moving picture ting's, or we can be visiting da' lady wit' da' big torch, what was her name being again… oh yeah, da' statue of da' torch lady, right?" Each word and idea felt like a punch to Kowalski, he couldn't stand to think about what tomorrow would bring, he was brought out of his thoughts when Julien began shaking him. "Hello! Is dere' being anybody in dere'?" Julien giggled. They had reached the zoo gates and it was five minutes until they closed so they had to get in and hide before the humans began to swarm out all over the place. "I tought' dat' I had lost you dere' fo' a moment!" Those words caused a single tear to leave Kowalski's eye but it went unnoticed as Julien was pulling him towards the lemur habitat.

They waited until the last of the humans finally left before all the animals came together to have a meeting, they had one every day after closing time to discuss problems or other things that happened during the day. The usual things were discussed, how much popcorn the visitors had fed them, the chimps had taken a camera from a visitor but gave it back after posing for a few pictures, one of the chameleons was missing but just turned out to be blending in, the usual day to day activities. As everyone was about to leave Julien stood up to make an announcement "Everybody is being invited to da' party I am trowing' tonight! Dere' will be many fun tings' to do so please do not be denying yo' wantingness to party and just be of showing up!" Everyone left to get ready for the party, even Skipper and the others were going to attend and that seemed strange to Kowalski.

Julien had Mort and Maurice decorate the entire lemur habitat for the party, he wanted to make it special. The guests began to arrive and while Julien was going around greeting everyone Kowalski went and found Skipper and the others in the growing crowd. "I didn't think you three would've come to this." Kowalski said surprised. "We wanted to come for you Kowalski" Skipper said "You're like our brother and if this makes you happy then we want to be there with you." Private and Rico both nodded in agreement. "Thanks guys" Kowalski smiled "It really means a lot to me that you're here" he wanted to tell them what was really going on but he couldn't. Marlene suddenly walked over and took Skipper's flipper. "May I have this dance?" she asked "Sure thing!" Skipper replied as they waltzed off. "They do make quite a grand couple wouldn't you say?" Private asked as Rico went for the snack table dancing his way along with Ms. Perky. Kowalski chuckled "Yes, they both do!" Kowalski had completely forgotten about what he had to do, seeing all his friends happy and there for him was just so great, he couldn't stop thinking about how happy he was.

He was brought back to reality when Julien took his flipper and led him to the front of the crowd. "I would be liking to commemorate dis' party to my Kowalski, he has been making me feel so loved and happy dat' I wish to be returning of da' favor in da' next few days. But fo' now let's all find somebody dat' is special to us and be dancing, yes?" Those few words had brought the memory of what would happen crashing down around Kowalski. He felt like he was about to faint but Julien had grabbed his flippers and was now leading him through the dance floor to a slow song as all the guests danced and cheered around them. "So how are you liking yo' party?" Julien asks with a large grin on his face."Oh, I-I love it, thank you Julien it means the world to me." Kowalski said before pulling Julien into a tight hug. "Silly penguin!" Julien giggled "I am not of da' goings anywhere, you don't have to be holdings on to me like you might lose me."

Kowalski just about broke down there; he didn't because he had to see his plan through, if he told Julien now it would be a complete disaster. "Oh, I'm sorry. I just love you so much that I want to be close to you at all times." Kowalski said as he pulled away. "Well how is dis' being for close?" Julien drew Kowalski close and gave him a kiss before starting to slowly dance again in each other's embrace. "That's nice" Kowalski mumbled through a haze of love. Julien just giggled "Come on my silly penguin, we are to be dancing da' night away!"

They danced late into the night together, all the other guests had left and Mort and Maurice had partied a little too hard and had both passed out about an hour before. Kowalski wanted to stay dancing all night with the love of his life but Julien was getting tired. They stumbled over to the bouncy and Julien flopped down pulling Kowalski with him. "Dat' was being a great party but now my booty is done wit' da' shaking and my moves will no longer groove" Julien sounded very tired. "Yes, it was a great party and I had a great time with you" Kowalski said lovingly, knowing it probably wouldn't be long now. "Today has been da' bestest day of my whole entire life Kowalski, tomorrow I will be of da' making sure dat' you have da' best day eva' too!"" Julien sighed as he rolled onto his side and Kowalski cuddled up behind him, wrapping his flippers around his true love. Julien grasped one of his flippers in his warm paw "I am being sorry Kowalski but my tummy is of da' hurting and I am too tired to be of doing anyting'… more… tonight" It must have been his liver and kidneys failing, Kowalski tried to keep his voice calm. "It's okay Julien, I understand." "You know dat' I am loving you Kowalski, don't you?" his voice was becoming weaker. "Yes Julien, I know you love me and I love you just the same" Kowalski was almost in tears. "W-will you be dere' in da' morning?" Julien asked, he could barely move his mouth to form the words, it was the paralysis. "Yes, yes I will always be there for you." Kowalski choked out through the beginnings of his tears. "Good, because I will be here too" Julien mumbled before falling asleep with a contented smile on his beautiful face.

Kowalski began to silently cry as he listened to Julien's breathing become more and more ragged, his heart and lungs were starting to fail. He lay there feeling his lover's warmth and soft fur for what he knew would be the last time. He cried himself to sleep to the unsteady thump… thump… thump of Julien's failing heart. He wished that the sky spirits would take him instead but it just wasn't meant to happen that way.

It was an unusually cold and foggy morning, Kowalski awoke to find Julien's paw still grasping his flipper, it was no longer warm and loving, it was cold and stiff. He felt for a pulse, listened for a single breath but there were neither. Julien was dead; he still had that contented smile on his beautiful face. Kowalski pulled himself closer to Julien's cold lifeless form, he didn't want to leave him, he didn't know what to do. All the tears he had wanted to shed the day before came forth as he began to sob loudly, each tear falling onto Julien's soft fur, creating little spots of true loneliness and despair. He stayed like that for several hours before anyone came to check on them, it was Maurice that found them first, he had just woken up with a splitting headache when he heard someone sobbing. He went to investigate and found Kowalski crying while he held Julien. "What's wrong Kowalski, is everything alright?" the aye-aye had never seen the penguin cry before, it was very unsettling to him. "N-no, it's not alright, nothing is anymore…" Kowalski sobbed. "What are you talking about?" Maurice asked, his fear starting to come into his voice. "He- he's dead" Kowalski mumbled as his tears kept falling. "Who's dead?" Maurice asked a little hurriedly. "Julien, Julien is dead… My one true love my only reason to live… gone." Kowalski sobbed. "Oh n-n-no!" the aye-aye stuttered, his voice filled with sadness "I-I'm gonna' go get some help, it-it's gonna' be okay…" Maurice ran off to find someone, anyone that could help but it was too late. There was no saving him, he was gone…

The funeral was held later that morning, everyone from the zoo was in attendance. The grave was dug beneath the tree they shared their first snow cone under, that wonderful date so many months ago, it was marked only by a rock with a crown drawn on it. His body was laid to rest with that sweet smile still on his face, it looked like he was only sleeping but they all knew the truth, he wouldn't wake up, he was dead. Everyone began to leave a little while after Maurice had finished the ceremony, they all gave Kowalski their deepest condolences but it didn't help, he couldn't feel better. He remained there along with Mort crying over the grave for many hours. Mort eventually left but Kowalski remained there, he couldn't stand to be apart from his love, the only one who made him happy. He would stay in that exact spot for two days, never sleeping or leaving, until Skipper had Badda and Bing carry him back to the HQ.

Skipper was worried, he had never seen Kowalski like this, after he had been returned to base he had just sat in his lab and cried for days. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't sleep, Julien's death had really been hard on him. Skipper waddled into Kowalski's lab, the scientist was still sitting there crying at his work station. Skipper went over and patted him on the back "It's going to be okay soldier, we all miss him, even I do. No one could've known that he would die, it wasn't your fault Kowalski." Skipper sat down next to him. "You're wrong" Kowalski mumbled through his sobs, Skipper didn't quite here him. "What was that again Kowalski?" "You're wrong…" Kowalski began "I knew he would die, I didn't say anything because…" he trailed off. "Why?" Skipper asked "Why didn't you tell us? We could've helped!" he raised his voice. "There was no helping it, I didn't want him to be dead already to everyone that cared about him, I wanted to make his last day the best one ever!" Kowalski sobbed "Here…" he said handing Skipper a printout of the medical report "Read this, it explains everything."

Skipper began to read while Kowalski continued to cry, as he read further down the report his eyes softened and the angry tone left his voice. "I'm so sorry Kowalski; I didn't know… it's good that you didn't ruin his last day, that you made him smile even as he died… I understand that you didn't want anyone to treat him differently just because of this… It wasn't your fault, you do know that… don't you?" Kowalski began to cry even harder "I-it was my fault!" he cried out. "No Kowalski, it wasn't" Skipper comforted. "N-no, you don't understand, it was an accident but I still caused it!" Kowalski screamed. "What?" Skipper asked a little shocked. "I caused it all!" Kowalski screamed again before breaking down into sobs again. "C-can you e-explain that to me?" Skipper asked, still shocked by Kowalski's outburst. "I only tried to give him what he wanted but it ended up killing him in the end, just to see him happy only to take it all away!" Kowalski began to sob again, Skipper slapped him to try and make him calm down enough to explain. "Okay Kowalski, start at the beginning, what did you do?" Skipper said calmly.

"Okay, it all began when Julien overheard Alice talking about a shipment of cashews in the storage room, Julien loved cashews so he asked me to get them for him. I worked out a plan and when Alice was distracted by the chimp's five days ago I made my move. It was rather simple, the door wasn't even locked. I brought the bag back to Julien's habitat and he was so happy, he really loved cashews and that look on his face…" Kowalski trailed off as more tears began to flow. "Keep talking" Skipper ordered. "Right, yes sir" Kowalski mumbled "Anyway Julien ate the whole bag of cashews and he just wouldn't stop showering me with affection for getting them for him, I should have investigated more though. It turns out why those cashews hadn't been sold at the snack bar was because they had been improperly processed at the factory and were going to be sent back as a health hazard-" "Wait, what?" Skipper interrupted "How are cashews a health hazard? And even then Julien wasn't allergic to them, like you said, he loved them." Kowalski began to sniffle a little "I-I only found out about the recall the day before yesterday, it was already too late then but I tried to find a cure. That's why I took that last blood sample from him to run one last analysis, to try and find something I could do to save him. But there was nothing I could do, he was going to die because of me!"

"That still doesn't answer my question" Skipper said a little annoyed by Kowalski's rambling. "You see, when cashews are harvested they need to be properly processed to neutralize a mixture of toxic substances within them. Julien had eaten so many that it was too much for his system to handle, that's why he was feeling ill for the past few days, that's why he died. The high levels of toxins were too much for his system to neutralize and he…" Kowalski became silent for a moment. "He died because I wasn't as thorough as I normally am, I should have done more, in my rush to make him happy I murdered my one true love!" Kowalski collapsed to the floor cradling his head in his flippers, his tears dripping to the floor as each sob made his body shake. "You didn't kill him Kowalski, it was an accident and there was nothing anyone could have done, it's really not your fault."

Kowalski sat up and glared at Skipper "Yeah, it was an accident but it was completely avoidable. If I had just taken the time to investigate more thoroughly Julien would still be here! Therefore IT IS MY FAULT!" Kowalski screamed those last four words for emphasis. Skipper was becoming angry with his second in command "Now listen here, I don't want you to ever say that again. That's an order Kowalski! It really wasn't your fault but you're letting your emotions get in the way of that, you really aren't so smart, you should know that it was ring-tail's fault. He ate those damn cashews and if he hadn't been such a pig then you wouldn't be crying your eyes out right now!" Skipper screamed "If it weren't for him we wouldn't be in this mess at all, you need to realize you didn't have any part in this!" "If the same thing were to happen to HER would you put the blame somewhere else? Would you blame HER for it? You know exactly why I blame myself; you would do the same thing!" Kowalski yelled. Skipper had had enough; he turned around and began to waddle out of the lab but turned to give his second in command one last chance. "I know you can get past this Kowalski, you WILL move on" Skipper said calmly. Kowalski looked at him and sadly said "No, I won't. He died happily in the arms of the one he loved; I only wish I could do the same. Julien was my only reason to live; now he's gone… it feels like half of my heart, my soul died with him. You can't live with half a heart… I feel dead inside and now my body is yearning to be the same, so that I can be with him…"

"Don't say things like that!" Skipper yelled "You have every reason to live, what about me, Private, and Rico? What about all your friends? What about science?" Kowalski was done talking; he no longer wanted to say anything ever again. He just sat there crying silently until Skipper left. He knew Skipper would probably tell the others but he didn't care, he didn't care if they loved or hated him for what he'd done. All he cared about was Julien and he was dead…

Skipper hadn't told anyone about Kowalski's previous knowledge of Julien's impending demise but he did tell them to watch out for any self destructive behavior, he wanted to be notified if Kowalski had even a scratch show up without a believable explanation. It had been about a week since their conversation and Kowalski hadn't said a word to anyone. He hardly ate, he barely slept, he wouldn't even go into his lab anymore… he just stood at Julien's grave for hours, everyday, until he had to return before the zoo closed its gates. Marlene had tried everything to get Kowalski to talk to her because she knew that something had happened but Skipper wouldn't say what. Private and Rico had been assigned to watch him but they eventually gave up as the weeks passed because all he ever did was stand by that grave… who knew what thoughts were tormenting him. When Kowalski did actually sleep in the HQ instead of crying all night, the others could hear him mumbling over and over: "I'm sorry Julien… I had to lie, had to keep you safe… I wish I could be with you but to do that I would have to…" Kowalski never said it but they knew, they knew he was going to say "die"

One day Kowalski didn't go to Julien's grave, he went to the lemur habitat. Ever since Julien's death, Mort and Maurice had been spending all their time with Phil and Mason. Kowalski didn't quite know why… he figured that it was some sort of primate instinct to search out the closest related thing to yourself and spend time with it until you felt better. That made him almost begin to cry because the closest related thing he had was Julien, sure they weren't even close to each other on the evolutionary web but he had still had a strong connection with the lemur. That connection was love. And it was that love that drove Kowalski to visit his lover's old habitat, to try and remember the good times they had together… But everywhere Kowalski looked he could only think one thing "He's gone and it was my fault." He began to cry so he went to lay on the bouncy. He lay there for a while before he got the sudden urge to make a smoothie; Julien had always made them for him when he was sad. Kowalski rolled off of the bouncy and began to slowly make his way towards the smoothie bar, he hadn't slept in a few days so he couldn't move very fast. When he got there he felt like crying again but he really needed a smoothie. He loaded a bunch of fruit into the blender and turned it on, the sound it made brought back so many memories, good ones, but they were shortly chased away by the present. Julien was dead, he wasn't making smoothies for anyone anymore, unless they had blenders in the sky spirits kingdom that is.

Kowalski was brought back from his thoughts by his smoothie being ready. He turned off the blender and reached for the glass Julien had gotten for him on their anniversary. He was about to pour the smoothie when the glass slipped from his flipper and broke. The loss of that last happy memory of Julien finally sent him over the edge. He slowly collapsed to the ground on top of the broken glass, he didn't care that it was hurting him; he didn't care about anything anymore. Something broke within him, he didn't know if it was what was left of his heart or his sanity but he wanted it to end. Kowalski picked up a thick shard of glass and ran a flipper over the edge. He felt the sting, could see and smell the blood. He knew it was going to happen this way. He had already been thinking it when he found out Julien was going to die.

He raised that shard to his neck and pictured Julien's loving smile from their last night together. He didn't know why but he spoke right then, to Julien's ghost or to nothing at all, he didn't care. He sadly said "I hoped it wouldn't come to this Julien" he pressed the shard inwards "So this is how it ends?" He quickly drew his flipper across his throat, there was a splatter, a few few gurgling breaths and then… silence. It was over, he had done it. His last thought had been of seeing Julien's smiling face again in the sky spirits kingdom…

The End


End file.
